The only trauma right now is that the Playstation is not working and Callum is very upset about it. It was either the new Monopoly game I got him for Christmas, or, and more likely, the lens cleaning disc I used on it.
Now, I have emailed the guy I bought the disc from on eBay, stating that the disc I bought from him has buggered my PS3, even though it says clearly it can be used on all games consoles and Blu-Ray players. All he is offering at the moment is a poxy £6.00 refund on the disc and says it's coincidence the PS3 wont work after use of the disc. I think not, but not sure what I can do, and I think he knows it and he is being a bit of a smug twat about it too.
I have emailed Sony for assistance and have to ring them later to discuss with a "techy" and see if it can be fixed. I have a feeling they will ask me to send it to them for a £150 repair, which is what I have read on a few forums.
If that is the case I might as well buy a new one for £270.
On a more real note I found this piece of news film that absolutely shows that good things do happen and that it makes one grateful for what one has. Good luck Ted!
It has been a little emotional in our house too this week. Callum is still a bit raw about his mum not bothering with him at Christmas. He has been quite emotional in the things he has been saying, which in turn has made me watery eyed. Firstly, he says that me giving up smoking is his "best present ever", and now I wont die young, but more importantly now that "mum doesn't love me or care about me, I wont be alone in the world for a while longer". (Cue my first little blub).
This morning, during a hug, he was very keen to reassure me that he will still hug me when he is older, and that he will look after me until I die. He was however sad that I was not a bit younger, "23 or 33", so that he could spend more life with me and I could watch him "grow up more". Then the killer that set me off was that "when you do die I will always remember you in my heart and mind dad". Needless to say I had to leave the room to get that pesky bit of grit from my eye!
There was I thinking he was pretty secure, but I fear not. He says he never wants to move and wants to be cosy in our house we have now, and that he is very happy I am taking him out of after school club and breakfast club for half the week due to me working from home, as we now have more time together.
Of course I am biased, but never in my car crash of a life have I ever met such a wonderful human being as Callum, let alone that I am lucky enough to have him as my son and buddy. He is such a treasure I can't find the words. He has taught me things, and made me a better person.
It is easy to forget that my little lad goes through life everyday without such a simple thing as his mothers care and love, and yes I know there are millions of children with far far less, and yes I know he has me, but he doesn't have his mum and worse still she openly shows him that she just doesn't give a shit for him. But he gets on with it, resilient as children are, but I can see the pain he feels right now and it is just not on. I asked his mother via a facebook message, (we are not facebook "friends").....why was he ignored, with not even a call or card? I just got blocked for my trouble and no response.
Sometimes the responsibility feels all consuming so that nothing else can be considered and some days it weighs very heavy. But in truth Callum is a joy and perhaps I beat myself up too much and I over complicate and think too much and worry worry worry that I have allowed my boys life to be initially and unnecessarily tainted by my poor decisions. I find it difficult at times to remember that things are as they are.
Oh the guilt.............even though I know it's not my fault, but he didn't ask to be born into the ultimate circumstances he is now in, and it is the guilt that pushed me towards the "over compensatory" trip as I wrongly assumed that someone, well.........me, had to try to put it right for him, but in truth there is no putting right to do. I am such a stupid old fool!
I can see that he has reached a sort of crossroads though. You can only kick a dog so many times when it comes to you before it either bites you or never comes back. I think he is seeing and hearing things for himself now and I don't think he is going back to get kicked again.
Anyway.............I love you Callum, more than I can say, and I hope that now and when I am gone you will say that I did ok for you.
Quite an emotional time, and emotive blog on reading it back...............but Teds story is an antidote!
Shelf
Blubbing....
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